So to keep from sending out the wrong signals to men, be more mindful of your actions. On the other hand, if this is how you wish to nab Mr. Right, be aware that you’re playing with fire. The result of your efforts will be infatuation, which is different from love. And without a real three-chakra connection at the head, heart and sexual center, you’ll have to keep up the game indefinitely to keep him interested.
Before you dive straight into it and start writing down all the naughty things you want to say to your man, try and find out whether this is actually something that would arouse him. Not all men are the same and so some will like dirty talking and some will cringe and could possibly even turn them off. Don’t let this scare you though and put you off; you just need to test the waters a little before diving right in.
That said, sometimes it’s a special occasion and your partner may want to try a position that is extra-awesome for you. Whether it’s your birthday, anniversary, or you got a promotion at work, sometimes they just want to do something special just for you. And who are you to say no? While this may mean an opportunity to try something previously off limits (like a threesome), it can also mean that rare treat.
How you feel with the person you’re with is the best indication of whether you’re with someone who’s compatible or not. How much you want it to work is the worst indicator of a good relationship (in fact, usually the people who tell me how desperately they want something to work are highlighting how incompatible they really are from their partner).
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3. Savor the build. Psychologically, there's a good reason to wrap a gift: The time it takes to unwrap it builds anticipation and adds zing to both the giving and the receiving. Looking forward to sex likewise heightens arousal. That's why sex therapists urge couples who have progressed a bit beyond the hot-and-heavy stage to make sex dates in advance: When older adults wait to feel spontaneously aroused, sex may not happen. (Here's one form of "gift-wrapping the present" that's almost certain to arouse an older man: Take your honey lingerie shopping.)
Make him go wild: Your best bet is to talk to your guy outside of the bedroom before you try to finger his anus so he doesn't get any unwanted surprises. Try bringing it up during a romantic dinner by saying you love making love with him, and want to experiment even more. You might say that you heard stimulating his prostate can trigger a really intense orgasm, and see if he would be down to try it later on. If your guy isn't comfortable with you using your fingers to gently penetrate the area, there are other ways to stimulate his prostate. One way to do this is to give some loving to his perineum, or the smooth strip of skin between his testicles and anus. The prostate is internally located between the base of his penis and his anus so touching him on the outside of that area can externally stimulate the gland. "Have him lie on his back with his knees bend and legs spread apart, and then use your fist to apply even pressure to the area with quick vibration-like motions," Michaels says.
If you’re worried about offending him (trust, you're not), just focus on the positives to tell him what you are and aren’t into. Don't be afraid of telling him, “Ehh that’s not doing anything for me,” but also “I really liked it when you were doing this before,” will help send a message, too. Positive reinforcement always works wonders. "Tell him how good it feels when he does something right, or remind him of a technique that always gets you off," suggests says Georgia sex therapist Gloria Brame, Ph.D. "If he's not giving you enough foreplay, ask him to use his hand or mouth to warm you up, saying that you want to draw out the experience."
"Anything in front of a mirror — literally — anything in front of a mirror is 100,000 times better than without a mirror. Watching my girlfriend give me a blow job on her knees in front of a mirror is the hottest thing I've ever seen, but so is looking over and watching her ride me. Mirrors give us a chance to go where our eyes can't and it's the closest analog to both acting in and watching a dirty movie." — Andrew A., 37, New York, New York
Treat him with respect. This is the most important thing of all. Men hate being around someone who emasculates them, and a good man won't take long to leave such a person. Don't be afraid to help your man feel good about himself. A little known secret is that men are just as insecure as women. If he's with his friends or family be open to opportunities to let your man look like "the man". It will win his love and respect.
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